A jellybean from the thoughts of Jillybean

Sitting in my den taking a break from grading and the news and waiting for Glee to start… what an exciting night. So this is typical life right now. I’m back in Washington as many of you know. I am currently working at St. Cecilia Catholic School on Bainbridge Island where I’m teaching 3rd graders. Its definitely an entirely different world from public school. It has its ups and downs. The ups outweigh the downs… even if the downs get me down sometimes.

I moved out to Hansville in October. This is the house I’m renting. It’s nice to live in a house and not an apartment. Hansville is a quiet little community on the northernmost point of the Kitsap peninsula. I get to drive by the water on my way home. I don’t live on the beach but our development does have a trail to a private beach so that’s nice.

I’m happy to be home. I still really miss Albuquerque. I think of going back sometimes but I’m not sure. I think it’s more difficult to make friends here in Washington. Things are far more spread out. Everything is relatively close in Albuquerque and there’s a lot to do. There’s not a lot I have found in the way of things to do so I’m looking if anyone knows of something. One of the parents at my school heard me sing and suggested I audition for some of Bainbridge’s community theatre. I’m not sure though. I really don’t have that great of a voice and I’ve never done any real theatre or musical programs before.

That’s pretty much it. Oh! here’s a picture of my house!

So I’m home in Washington now after a brief stop in Salt Lake City, UT. When I look out of the window I can see multiple shades of green and even a hint of sun (a rarity) especially after this mornings torrential downpour. I can’t help but miss seeing the desert in all of its orange and brown hues. It seems strange to be home after being away for so long. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy to be home and I think its for the best but it’s still a bit different. So let’s see some highlights or lowlights of being home. Well first of all I had forgotten why I love the dry desert climate so much its because my hair doesn’t frizz very much there. Here my hair is one poof ball. It is almost to the point of being uncontrollable without some major and I do mean major work and expert help . I went to get a blow out the other day just to maintain my sanity for a few days. Pictures to follow soon. I found this great cookie shop in Rainier for those who live in the area and are interested. Its called the Main Street Cookie Company and I’m sure each cookie has about 2000 calories a piece. Let me tell you though they’re worth each and every sinful one. They have flavors like Gingersnap with molasses frosting and Dark Chocolate Delight. I absolutely love them!  I’ve discovered a fun walking/biking trail that I’ve walked the bf’s dog on. It’s nice and relaxing and next to a lake. Coincidently the STP (Seattle to Portland) uses that same trail and we

I think sometimes adults underestimate children. We think that because they are small and young that they lack the ability to feel real emotion and understand. I admit that sometimes myself I wonder if my students really understand but it’s times like these that I think perhaps I am getting through to them and how glad I am to work with such a caring, compassionate, and understanding group of children.

So I’ll back up for a moment and give you the background information. Our class mouse suddenly became quite ill and died last night. I was personally very upset about this because I cared a lot about our mouse. I understand that people think that she was just a mouse but she was our mouse. I compare her to something like the family dog. For those who still don’t understand I don’t really have anyone here. I’m alone. Miley (the mouse) was not only our class pet and my pet she was also a sweet and loving friend. I used to hold her and pet her at home and in class. The students all interacted with her. We pet her a lot, cleaned her cage and enjoyed her shenanigans while running around in her mouse ball. We wrote stories about her, talked to her, and really cared about her. I’ve taught my students not to take any person, animal or anything for granted. I’ve taught them not to judge things ahead of time and they are for the most part doing very well at this. She wasn’t just a rodent or a mouse to us she was a friend. Her size and species didn’t matter to us. We loved her.

When I told my students this morning I started to cry. They understand what death is and they were glad that at least she wasn’t suffering anymore but at the same time they were quite upset as well. Many of them cried with me. Someone brought me a tissue and then an entire box of Kleenex. They sat with me and talked about ways we could remember her. One of them suggested we listen to sad music that expressed how we felt so I made a play list and we listened to it all day. We have decided that we will have a funeral for her tomorrow afternoon.

My students are also writing Miley letters. I asked them to do their best job on these letters because they are for someone very important to us. They really put in a phenomenal effort. More importantly though, they really cared. Several students asked if they could write a poem about Miley. Some asked if they could make a speech about her tomorrow. As I was reading their letters, poems, and speeches I was amazed by the things that they wrote. Many really struck me. One little guy wrote that he loved her and was sad that she was gone but was glad that she was in mouse heaven and hoped she would get to hang out with Jesus mouse. They wrote that she shouldn’t be afraid because she would make a lot of friends in mouse heaven and that Molly our last mouse would be there waiting for her. Some wrote that they hoped that she would get a new wheel that didn’t squeak and that they were glad that she wouldn’t have to wait to play on it (since we put a ruler in it) while we were taking tests. They miss her and really loved her. Quite a few of them wrote and told her that Ms. Gutierrez or Ms. G as I am fondly referred to was sad that she was gone and really missed her too. One even asked if she could come back from heaven to visit us every once in a while.

They all wrote beautiful letters and I was so proud of them. It made me feel truely blessed to be their teacher. They really are a joy and a pleasure to know.

It’s times like these when I wonder… “gee… why did I pack a mere portion of  my belongings into a Prius and move half way across the country in the opposite direction of my family?” I like it here don’t get me wrong but I miss home. For example if I was home I’m sure I could have spent Easter with my parents. That would be nice… although truth be told I’m so desperate for company today that I would have spend Easter with just about anyone who would have had me over. The problem is that Easter along with many of those other holidays is a “family” holiday; which pretty much means I’m SOL in terms of doing anything. I’m not trying to gripe and complain. I am grateful for other things like my job and having friends but I just miss being with people on holidays. I hate wondering and hoping that someone will invite me to spend the holiday with their family. I suppose I should be grateful I did receive a pity invite from my roommate. She said I could go with her to have dinner at one of her friends parent’s house. Although I just didn’t feel right about it. Those people didn’t invite me. They weren’t even aware that she had invited me. I couldn’t just impose on perfect strangers who had not planned on feeding/hosting another individual. I was brought up with better manners than to impose on others. 

So where does this leave me on Easter?… well it leaves me alone in my apartment surfing facebook and seeing other people’s happy Easter photos or baby belly pictures (btw added side note the number of people I know having babies has reached 11 already!) and thinking wow holiday’s suck. I tried to get out of the apartment. I needed to buy yet another mouse cage because the 2nd Houdini decided to escape earlier this week (which I didn’t discover until the kids and I were cleaning the cage at school… a very long story) and magically reappeared this morning back inside the cage like nothing had happened. So I need a new cage that is escape proof because I cannot risk another escape especially at school. (My principal would kill me and then have a heart attack I’m sure) Anyway, while at the pet store where I swear this cockroach was chasing me down the aisles I couldn’t find a cage that seemed escape proof so I left. Then I faced the hoards of people at Wal-mart (the only real store open today besides the pet store) and drove home. I made a card and have been sitting here watching reruns of Glee on Netflix. That has been my Easter.

It all really makes me think that being single and alone over 1000 miles away from my family really sucks. What am I doing here? I know I’m teaching and I love it (do you here that Mr. WB? I love my job so please don’t decide to lay me off along with a bunch of other teachers!) and I can’t go home because it’s not responsible to just leave a job without another one… but at what point is happiness measured above being responsibility? I mean isn’t this the time in my life where I should be taking chances? I mean I’m not married anymore, I don’t have any children, and I have nothing really to tie me down. Isn’t this the time to do something towards happiness? Who knows… wow what a long rant…

Do you ever look back at things that you’re doing and think next year it will be different? Well I do and currently am. Even as we speak for more realistically as you read and I write I am waiting for a layer of decoupage to dry so that I can put on another 5 or 6 coats at least.

I’ll back up and start at the beginning or at least try. So our school does this wonderful event called Art and Literacy Night. There is of course Art and Writing displayed from every classroom and there is a silent auction. Did I also mention that this year the Glee Club that I am currently directing is going to be performing? Anyway at this silent auction are items donated by community businesses and parents and then there are the stools. I was gung ho about the stools really I was until I realized I had a weekend to do it and had no idea what I was doing. I’m sure that afterwards I am going to love the idea again. I really am grateful too because we get to keep the money in our class accounts that our classroom stool makes. Did I mention that each class is going to design a stool? And let me tell you the ones I have seen look fabulous! I secretly have this suspicion that the other teachers at my school practice all year long decoupaging and painting either that or bribing an artistic parent to design them because they really are amazing… and then there’s mine… I am trying I’m just really not all that artistic. It’s not that I don’t try to be artistic it’s just that it doesn’t work out for me. Apparently clumsiness transcends into art. Who knew? So as I am trying to come up with a game plan a certain someone tells me that I should go to Home Depot. The people there will feel sorry for me and help me sand or figure out how to sand my stool down and mix small amounts of paint for me and my project will be as easy as 1-2-3.

Let me preface this next part with the fact that I hate… absolutely HATE the hardware store (sorry Jen no offense). I quite obviously do not belong there. I stick out like a sore thumb. I swear I must have a “sucker” sign taped to my back or something like that because these people know I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing or what I’m looking for. So I go Home Depot…. (mistake number one) I wait around hoping that the helpful sales guy in the sandpaper aisle will help me when he finishes with another customer. I think that he sees me looking super confused and I even kinda waved and mouthed help. Well apparently this guy was blind as a bat or didn’t want to deal with me because he walked away. I finally have to chase him down and ask him for help and he goes over and gives me this Speedy Gonzales lecture on the intricacies of sandpaper. None of which I am understanding as I stand there dazed and confused wondering what does a sponge have to do with sand paper? He kept telling me I needed this kind of equipment and that kind of tool and I just stood there dumb as a post trying to get a word in edge wise. Soo… 4 different types of sandpaper later I am even more confused about how to sand something than I previously was and am headed to paint. I manage to pick out 2 paint colors and go to ask the paint people to mix it for me. So they guy tells me he can only mix the paint in quarts; that it doesn’t come in any smaller size. (BTW a pint of paint was going to cost me over $12.00) At this point I don’t think I have any other option and am wondering that to do when the guy spots my stool. He then asks if that’s all I have to paint and when I tell him yes he tells me to go to Hobby Lobby. So I’m walking out of Home Depot and trying to call that certain someone back because at this point I don’t know if I need any of this other crap Home Depot was trying to sell me when the paint guy tracks me down, interrupts my phone call and tells me Oh! he forgot he can mix me paint and it will only cost me about $2.00 per paint. So I get off the phone and go back to the paint section. 20 minutes, an added primer, and a change in my colors later (apparently the one I wanted as a primary wouldn’t work) I am walking to the check out counter of Home Depot about to cry because I am soo stressed out. On top of all of that I found out that I got paint on my favorite pink shirt because they didn’t blow dry the paint on the top of one of my containers. Painting a stool should not be this difficult and stressful. So $20.00 later I am in the parking lot waiting for another 10 minutes to pull out because just as I am backing up some lady opens her suv door up so it is mere inches away from my car and lets her little yappy dog run around in what seemed to be a 10 foot leash and I can only see the leash next to the back of my car. So I have to wait because she won’t move and she was bigger than me so I didn’t want to get into an altercation asking her to move.

So I finally get home only to realize that the idea the sparked the trip to Home Depot in the first place is no longer going to work. (I was going to tape the kids names all 22 of them to the stool and paint over them.) The stool is super tiny btw. So I freaked out again. Luckily Jessica came home and we figured out a new plan and she showed me how to sand that blasted stool.

So now the stool has been painted with primer, and two coats of yellow paint. I also tried to paint stripes on the side of the seat in green paint it’s not going well. I also painted and cut out a monster I drew (if any of you have ever seen my art work you know there is a reason I am not an artist… I would starve) and am now attempting to decoupage it on to my stool. Damn me and my stupid idea to draw it on card stock. It’s thicker and therefore takes more decoupage applications. I may never be finished! So it’s 8:07 and I know I’ll be up for quite some time. I also have to figure out how to get all of the kid’s names onto this thing. Did I mention that Art and Literacy Night is tomorrow night? I am doomed…. I’m sure I’ll be grateful and happy about it tomorrow After it is all finished… but until then I just don’t know. Also I think this is another thing that should go into argument that teachers work way too hard and don’t get paid enough. Because let me tell you Dr.’s, lawyers, accountants, and other workers I don’t see you decoupaging a stool to try to raise money for a field trip or for books for a classroom library… and I’ll bet if you did you’d charge am arm and a leg in overtime…

A: Age…27, but everyone thinks I look way younger

B: Bed size…A Queen all for me

C: Chore you dislike…taking out the trash!!!!

D: Dog…I want a Chihuahua or a Pug

E: Essential to start your day….a nice shower, and a quick chat with someone sweet

F: Favorite Color…blue…I like green and teal right now

G: Gold/Silver…White Gold

H: Height… 4’11 and 3/4″

I: Interests and hobbies…singing, Glee club, making cards, and trying to learn to cook

J: Junk food… Sea salt and pepper chips and cheetos

K: Kids… I want them one day

L: Live in what state…New Mexico

M: Mother’s Name… Mary and Jackie

N: Nickname… Jilly or Jillybean

O: Own or rent… I rent and apartment with Jessica

P: Pet Peeves…People who tap their pencils… auuugghh I hate that!

Q: Quote… “Pilers are often misunderstood” Phillip Done

R: Righty or Lefty…Righty and barely at that

S: Siblings…Jenny

T: Time you wake up…6:00 on weekdays and when the spirit moves me on weekends unless I have something to do or somewhere to go.

U: Ultimate dream vacation…Ireland

V: Veggies you don’t like…CARROTS!!!! ASPARAGUS!!!

W: Weight…I prefer not to say but I did lose 3lbs this week!

X: X-rays…several

Y: Yummy foods you make…does Hamburger Helper count? I can make a mean tater-tot casserole

Z: Zoo animal favorite…I like the Elephants, the Alligators, and the baby animals

Well I guess that statement is moderately incorrect but I like it anyway. So this week in our staff memo there was a section about friending parents on facebook and also one about spreading student information. It appears that this is a problem in our work place. Since our school is such a small school we only really have 13 classroom teachers it could be anyone. Since I post frequently one facebook about my day and occasionally write posts on my blog (I counted there were two and both had no names what-so-ever in them) I have decided to take them down. I also posted a note on facebook about funny things my students wrote with no names on it but I will be removing that as well. I would like to say that this is definately censorship at work here but I don’t really have a choice just in case it’s me. I feel like as a person I have the right to express how I’m feeling. I never include any names and never would because that would be crossing a line but none-the-less I will stop so that I can ensure that just in case it was me I will hopefully be out of trouble. So I guess I will write only happy posts so that I can’t get in trouble.